The New Mommy Guilt: Putting Your Parent in a Care Facility

I heard her footsteps on the stairs last night — jolted out of a sound sleep and into the familiar world of worry.
Step, click, pause.
The foot, the cane, the balance check.
Exhaling in the dark, I realized . . . no.  I had been dreaming.  She’s not here anymore.  She’s walking in safety now, through hallways with sturdy rails, assisted by M.A.’s and C.N.A.’s and an alphabet soup of helpers who tend to her every need.
Although I understand that she will not shower at their recommendation either.
For weeks, I rehearsed the words I would use:
“Mum, you know that it’s getting harder and more risky for you to be walking around the house.  Your eyesight is getting dimmer, your balance and strength less reliable.  You cry every day over the walk to the bathroom.  It’s time for us to find a safer place for you with people who can care for you.”
Will this decision ever stop feeling like a thing that needs forgiveness?
During the month of November, the Caregiving Community over at Blessed (but Stressed) will be featuring the stories of the unsung heroes of the healthcare system — the family caregiver.  But what happens when your parent gets to the point when their need for care exceeds your ability to provide for them safely in your home?  Click here to join me over at Blessed (but Stressed) to read about our family’s journey . . .

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Michele Morin

Michele Morin is a teacher, blogger, reader, and gardener who finds joy in sitting at a table surrounded by women with open Bibles. She has been married to an unreasonably patient husband for over 25 years, and their four children are growing up at an alarming rate. Michele loves hot tea and well-crafted sentences, poems that stop her in her tracks and days at the ocean with the whole family. She laments biblical illiteracy and advocates for the prudent use of “little minutes.” She blogs at Living Our Days, and you can connect with her on Facebook or Twitter.

6 thoughts on “The New Mommy Guilt: Putting Your Parent in a Care Facility”

  1. We think about this, but don’t express it. We don’t want to express it because then it will be true. We feel guilty. Sometimes the harder right is just that “hard.” I applaud you for being brave and loving your mother the right way. Thank you for sharing at the Loft. Blessing, Christine


  2. Bless you, Michele. I’m still praying you feel peace. I know you so much better through your writings than I did when I first read this piece. I feel sure you modeled Jesus in this situation as much as possible because I’ve seen your heart for Him.


    1. What a gift your words are. As convinced as I have been of the “rightness” of our decision, the sadness of it is still with me. Fortunately, I am seeing acceptance in Mum, and that does help.


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